The Bride of Christ is a Hot Mess

I've been a priest/pastor's wife since my husband's ordination twelve years ago. I've done a lot of church, and not just in my own denomination. There are things I love within a wide variety of ecclesiastical traditions. To me there are few things more beautiful than a traditional Anglican Lessons and Carols service, but I also love the freedom of worship in the Charismatic tradition. As a child, I sang in a Presbyterian church choir. Years later, I studied at an evangelical Church of England theological college, but my husband and I chose to send our children to a Roman Catholic school. My teenage daughter and I have enjoyed attending Bethel's Spirit-filled women's conferences together, but I've also been part of a women's Bible study at a large Bible church that does not embrace the gifts of the Spirit. As far as church traditions go, I've been around the block, and I rather like my somewhat eclectic approach to Christianity. But wherever I find myself on a Sunday morning, the one thing that breaks my heart is encountering Christians who don't know they are loved and don't know how to love others.

This is a real sickness within the church. And it is this sickness that makes non-Christians run the other direction. Mahatma Gandhi supposedly said, "I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." While the authenticity of this quote is highly debatable, it makes a valid point. What do people outside the church see when that look at us? What do they experience when they enter our sanctuaries? If the answer is something antithetical to love, then we're not living the Gospel, and we're missing the whole point!

When I speak to non-Christian friends about their view of Christianity, words like 'judgmental' and 'hypocritical' are frequently uttered. Sometimes these are just words that have been picked up from their cultural milieu, but too often these ideas come from personal experience. So many people have been wounded by the church, the very body that is supposed to be the hands and feet of God's love.

The truth is wounded people, acting out of their own pain, wound others. As humans, we are all broken, wounded people; but those of us in the church should be on a path of healing. Sure, we're all at various stages of healing, so no church is going to be full of perfectly transformed people. But we could be doing so much better.

When churches fail to be a place where wounded, hurting people can be honest and transparent about their struggles, everyone suffers. People end up hiding their wounds in order to look like 'good Christians,' and authentic relationships become impossible. The carnage is even worse when we don't allow church leaders to be vulnerable. Immense pressure is placed on leaders, across the theological spectrum, to look like they have it all together. When a leader struggles, as they all do, the temptation is to put on fig leaves -- to cover up what is wrong and play the part. Honestly, how many pastors or elders or missionaries have someone they can turn to when they struggle with something like depression or substance abuse or pornography...or even just plain old doubt?

So I could ramble on about being better at loving, and that's fine. But the core issue is much deeper. We can't love because we don't know we are loved. 1 John 4:19 says, "We love because he first love us." Do we really know we are loved? Not just with our heads, but with our hearts? Do we see ourselves as worthless sinners or as new creations? I can promise you that if your answer is the former, you're not going to be very good at loving the people God places in your path. I've done the worthless sinner thing, it doesn't bear good fruit. It robs you of the hope, joy and peace that Jesus died to give us. It leaves you with nothing to offer. Am I saying I've got this all figured out -- that I no longer sin? Of course not. But that is no longer my identity. More and more, I am coming to understand what it means to be a beloved child of God. It's a game changer. No longer do I feel the need to strive, to do things just to win approval from God or others. I can minister to others from the overflow of His love instead of trying to do it on my own strength. So. Much. Easier.

So whatever your church background, it is important to remember that we are ONE body. Jesus himself prayed that we all would be one. We are ONE Church, the very bride of Christ. We need to stop looking like such a hot mess. (And no, I'm not advocating putting those fig leaves back on just so we look respectable. I'm talking about taking a serious look at the condition of our hearts.) I have to think that Jesus wants to return to a bride that is actually capable of loving. So, starting with our own hearts, let's build ourselves up in love. Let's show the world what real love looks like. Let's live lives worthy of the calling we have received, for it is nothing other than a call to love.



Photo Credit: Kelly Sikkema