Got Oxygen?
I recently came home from Madagascar, and as often happens on these trips, I arrived home with a lovely bug. I rarely get stomach ailments, but respiratory stuff is my Achilles heel, and this trip was no exception. I'd started the trip on the tail end of a throat infection for which I'd been taking antibiotics, but it seemed like I never really got over it. I pushed through the trip with a backpack full of Advil and cough drops; but poor air quality, little rest, and the onset of a cold left me feeling like, well...where's the poop emoji when you need it?
I spent all of last week trying my darnedest to get well, but there's only so much Throat Coat tea you can consume before you need to suck it up and go back to the doctor. So Friday morning, I reluctantly dragged myself over to the doctor hoping I wasn't wasting her time.
I've been asthmatic my whole life but really have not had any serious breathing issues for the last several years. And praise God for that! Nevertheless, I know what an asthma attack feels like, and I generally know when I need to go to the emergency room. So I was kind of stunned when the nurse stuck the pulse ox monitor on my finger and it showed that my oxygen saturation looked more like that of a lifelong coal miner. The nurse and I both looked at the screen with our heads cocked to one side and uttered a collective hmmm.
The doctor listened to my lungs and confirmed that my infection was aggravating my asthma, so I left the office with another round of antibiotics and some good old steroids. Now, nothing about this scenario was new for me except that this time I had absolutely no idea how sick I was. How on earth did I not know that I was getting about the same amount of oxygen as someone on a high altitude hike? Well, that would certainly explain something about my energy level.
Friends, how often in our spiritual lives are we getting by on so much less than we really need? We tell ourselves we're fine, that we just need to tough it out, and we continue to walk through each day feeling tired and depleted and maybe more than a little grumpy. We don't even realize that we're not really breathing, at least not freely. We get used to functioning on so much less than what is available to us. Living on less becomes normal. But this is not the way it's supposed to be.
My friend Niki Hardy has a new book aptly titled Breathe Again coming out in August. I had the opportunity to read an advance copy, and it's a wonderful read. It made me wonder how many of us feel like we can't catch a breath -- like life has knocked the wind out of us and we just can't recover. I know I've been there, and not just with the way I'm feeling physically right now. Let's be honest. Life can suck sometimes. And sometimes there is absolutely nothing we can do to make our circumstances any better. But even in the midst of pain and struggle, there is a source of life-giving breath -- the spiritual oxygen we need.
God isn't waiting for you to toughen up and sort things out. He never told anyone to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. He gets no pleasure from seeing you struggle day after day. He isn't like that. Let me say that again -- he is NOT like that. If your day finds you lying on the kitchen floor literally begging for mercy and asking where God is, that's okay. He's happy to meet you right there on the kitchen floor. How do I know? Because I've been there. Several years ago, in the midst of chronic illness, I finally reached a place where I couldn't hold on with my own strength. I was suffocating under fear and anxiety. But when I let go, I discovered that God was right there to catch me, to breathe life back into me. It didn't make the pain instantly disappear, but it allowed me to look up -- to look at the one who sustains me, to draw my strength from him. He is the one who gives "life and breath and everything else" (Acts 17:25), so thinking I was going to sort things out through my own positive thinking or strong will was inevitably going to fail.
If you're feeling depleted and defeated, let me encourage you. There is one who wants to breathe life back into you, to give you oxygen. There is one who doesn't want you to walk this path alone. There is one who calls you to look up.
There's been one song stuck in my head all week, and it's a great one. Lauren Daigle's "Look Up Child" has such a great message, so as far as earworms go, I'll take it. But have you heard the poem that was inspired by the song, written by Channell Warren at Folsom Prison? I hope this encourages you to look up today.
Video link: Lauren Daigle - Folsom Prison (02.24.19)
Photo credit: Lawton Cook
